Who Knows?

I'm not sure where this post is going. When I write that you know that it will be babble. But babble is what is needs to come out. Facing the issues I am facing right now are the most difficult things I have faced in a long time. I am raging war to my deepest issues. I don't know if I can withstand this torrent, but I am putting up my sails and pressing on. The tides of strenght to the tides of weakness. Rocking my soul and shaking my heart. My mind is strong and knows to how to fight. It is convencing all of me that I can overcome. I'm not sure how to proceed. I think that this is the time to put it all out there. Open it wide, face it, say it, release it and let it out. My concern is the aftermath. What will be after it is out? How do I decide what to fill that space with after I have emptied it from so much hurt, anger, and emotion. The point of my time here is to rebuild myself, my programming, my understandings. Re-write the inner monolgue, transform those habits I dislike, re-establish myself to myself. Get to know myself again, really learn, understand, love, and grow myself. I know that facing this issue is crucial to my growth but being the person I was and what I am trying to shed is my control issues. It isn't under my control on how this started the facing this issue. I didn't get to be fully prepared, I wasn't ready. But it is the pass now, it happened that way, all I can do is go forward. But it still makes me mad. I know that I need to continue. I know that I can do it. I know that it is going to really suck and hurt at many levels but that is life.